The whole trip started out on the wrong foot. I left the house a good two and a half hours later than I’d intended and I still wasn’t sure I’d actually packed everything. My CD player in my car is broken so I could only listen to the radio (Country music or Spanish channels only before much more than an hour passed) or the buzzy, staticky audio piped from my Kindle to the tiny speakers. Storm clouds stretched across the horizon in precisely the direction I wanted to go. Most of the time when I’m in the car for an extended period of time, I’m not driving which means car rides are an internal cue for “Nap time!” – the gray day did nothing the help me fight off drowsiness.
Yet for all that, I really didn’t mind the drive. Sure the road was monotonous and the scenery generally uninspiring, but I was on my way to see a dear friend I’d not seen in months. Plus, it was evidence that something good had come out of my jobless state – there was no way I’d’ve been able to take a week off for a road trip to Houston. So despite the inauspicious beginning, busted CD player, and brooding weather, I wasn’t terribly bothered. I just hoped I’d make it to my brother’s house before full dark.
I soon knew for certain that hope was not to be realized. Just over halfway through my drive, I caught up to the storm I’d chased all afternoon. The dark gray clouds alternately drizzled or dumped, as though someone couldn’t decide how high to turn the water on. I had to turn off my buzzy music to concentrate on driving. I could feel the reduced traction of my worn tires on the rain-slick road and gripped the steering wheel tightly. Chasing the storm had been interesting. Catching it was not.
As it drew near the sunset hour, I realized with surprise that rather than growing darker, the sky was suddenly lighter than it had been just a few minutes before. Glancing out the rearview mirror, I saw the reason. Though the storm clouds reached as far as I could see to the north, east, and south, they did not quite reach the western horizon and the setting sun lit them with a brilliant fire.
It was beautiful.
Amber, gold, coral, pink, and orange blended together in a glorious flame that was a total contrast to the gloomy clouds hovering like a dark blanket ready to snuff out the burning glow. But this fire would not be quenched. Part of me wanted to pull over and watch the stunning phenomenon but I also knew that when it was over, full dark would descend with a vengeance. Still, I kept glancing in my mirrors, watching as the colors grew ever brighter and more intense.
Then, the sun itself dropped below the level of the clouds, the most brilliant part of the fire yet. Someone, somewhere, I thought, is seeing a rainbow right now.
And then I saw it.
Right in front of me the most radiant rainbow I have ever seen appeared like magic. I gasped aloud. I could see every color from red to purple as clearly as in a child’s drawing. To my right and left, the ends of the bow touched the ground and as I leaned forward, the top of the arch glowed against the darkling sky. Beneath the arch, the clouds were pale and bright instead of dull and glowering. My eyes followed the progression of light to dark and I saw to my utter astonishment not one, but two full rainbows, the colors in the outer bow almost as distinct as the inner one. My jaw dropped.
Words failed me then, and still do, to describe the wonder of that sight. In the midst of that gloomy day, week, month, here was beauty unlooked for and undeserved. A gift from my Maker to lighten my weary heart. Tears slipped from my eyes. To borrow from C. S. Lewis, this was a beauty that pierced like a sword. Like the sun that slipped through the clouds and illuminated the night, this splendor pieced the melancholy that smothered my joy.
As I watched the rainbows and glanced back at the sunset fire, it was as if God was reminding me that good for me can come out of my own storm of the heart, not just good for others. I was thinking when I saw the sunset that someone could see something beautiful and hoped that I would be an encouragement to others in mine. This was a reminder that my God is good and that he will bring beauty for me, his daughter, out of the storm, and not just use it for others. My God loves me. He gives good gifts to his children. Though trials come, he uses them for good, not evil.
James 1:2-4 tells us to “count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience. But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.” And I don’t know how many verses in the Psalms I have read recently that talk about good things coming from bad times. Seeing the rainbows and reading those verses have reminded me that there is a reason for every trial, every stormy season. And reminded me too that to God, I am not insignificant and my struggles are not paltry things below his notice because someone else is facing something worse. He cares enough to take a discouraging start to a trip and turn it to an encouraging end.
For as long as the sun was above the horizon, and even a little after it fell below, the rainbows beckoned me forward. And even when they faded from view, the memory of that wondrous sight buoyed me up during the rest of the treacherous drive. Though my trip seemed to have started on the wrong foot, I would not change any aspect of it. I hope that the sight of that double rainbow will remain with me forever.
As the days pass, I hope you too can be encouraged by my story, whatever you may be facing. Know that God loves you and cares for you as dearly as if you were his only child. He is love. His love is greater and far more encompassing than we can grasp. He loves us just as we are, joyful or despairing, hopeful or cynical. Yet he loves us too much to leave us as we are and will ever be chipping away at our character until one day, we are truly like him. Trials will come, but his love is greater than all.
What's that on the ground?
It's what's left of my heart
Somebody named Jesus broke it to pieces
And planted the shards
And they're coming up green,
And they're coming in bloom
I can hardly believe this is all coming true
Just as I am and just as I was
Just as I will be He loves me, He does
He showed me the day that
He shed His own blood
He loves me, oh He loves me, He does
All of my life I've held on to this fear
These thistles and vines ensnare and entwine
What flowers appeared
It's the fear that I'll fall one too many times
It's the fear that His love is no better than mine
(but He tells me that)
Just as I am and just as I was
Just as I will be He loves me, He does
He showed me the day that
He shed His own blood
He loves me, oh He loves me, He does
He loves me, oh, He loves me, He does
Well it's time now to harvest what little that grew
This man they call Jesus, who planted the seeds
Has come for the fruit
And the best that I've got isn't nearly enough
He's glad for the crop, but it's me that He loves
Just as I Am by Andrew Peterson, Copyright 2003 New Spring Publishing, Inc.
